What is the Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Cycle?

The anxious-avoidant relationship cycle describes the tendency of two people with opposing attachment styles (anxious and avoidant) entering into a relationship. In this cycle, both the anxious and the avoidant attached exacerbate each other’s insecurities, making it difficult to have a healthy, secure relationship. A person with an anxious attachment style craves intimacy and engages in anxious behaviors to seek closeness from their partner. Someone with an avoidant attachment style fears emotional intimacy and creates distance from their partner. This results in one partner craving intimacy from a partner who pulls away. Adult attachment styles are discussed in more detail in the book Attached, by Amir Levine and Rachel S.F. Heller.

Signs of an Anxious-Avoidant Relationship

• The relationship has extreme highs and lows.
• There are frequent fights with no resolution.
• There is a lack of trust in the relationship.
• The avoidant person pulls away as the anxious person attempts to get closer.
• The avoidant person develops an inflated ego as the anxious person feels increasingly less than.
• The relationship persists despite ongoing dissatisfaction for both partners.
• The closer the anxious partner gets to the avoidant partner, the worse the avoidant partner treats them.

Starting Therapy to Break the Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Cycle

Psychotherapy can help you become aware of your attachment style and how it contributes to an anxious-avoidant relationship cycle. Through therapy you can learn effective coping strategies and conflict resolution skills to to engage in a healthy relationship.

I specialize in working with individuals who struggle with toxic relationship cycles. Contact me to get started breaking the Anxious-Avoidant Cycle.