What is a Trauma Bond?

You’re in a relationship that feels like a rollercoaster. When the relationship is good you feel elated and lively, but when it’s bad, you feel hopeless and defeated. You feel isolated, confused, and not like yourself. You tell yourself all relationships go through rough patches, but deep down you know that something isn’t right. Every time you consider ending the relationship, your partner suddenly becomes caring, considerate, and does all the things you’ve been asking for. 

The Trauma Bonding Cycle

If the above sounds like you, it’s very possible you’re caught in a trauma bond. Trauma bonding occurs when a person forms a strong attachment to their abusive partner. This attachment is strengthened through cycles of emotional abuse followed by positive reinforcement. This cycle creates low feelings of self-worth and cultivates a dependence on the abuser. The partner being abused believes that their abuser is the only one who can make them feel better, even though it’s the abuse that has caused such despair in the first place. 

Signs of Trauma Bonded Relationships

• One person persistently tries to devalue and put down the other.
• You experience periods of intense affection from your partner, often following a fight.
• You find yourself constantly rationalizing your partner’s behavior and making excuses for them.
• Your partner blames you for the abuse. 
• You find yourself withholding information about your partner’s behavior from family and friends.
• Your partner feels competitive with you and appears threatened by your achievements.
• There is ongoing conflict in the relationship.
• Your partner attempts to drive a wedge between you and your family and friends.

Impact of a Trauma Bond

Long-term emotional and psychological abuse can result in the below:

• Constant self-doubt
• Confusion
• Low self-esteem
• Co-dependence
• Depression
• Anxiety or excessive worry and fear
• Difficulty focusing/concentrating

How to Break a Trauma Bond

A trauma bond forms from the pervasive psychological and emotional abuse perpetuated by the abuser. This manipulation creates strong feelings of attachment and longing, making it difficult to separate from the relationship. It’s important to reach out for help and support if you believe you are in a trauma bond. Share about your experiences with family and friends and seek professional help through counseling.

You can also reach out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline for additional resources: 800-799-7233.

Get Started with Therapy for Trauma Bonding

I offer therapy for men and women who have experienced relationship trauma, emotional, verbal, or psychological abuse. Services are offered online in Tennessee and Georgia. Please contact me today to get started!

Online Locations: Nashville, Tennessee – Brentwood, Tennessee – Atlanta, Georgia – Sandy Springs, Georgia – Greater Tennessee and Georgia Area