How to Recognize Narcissistic Triangulation

Triangulation occurs when a narcissist involves a third party in their relationships to create conflict, gain control, or maintain superiority. By doing this, they position themselves as the central figure while pitting others against each other. This tactic serves to distract from their own flaws and to fuel their need for power and admiration.

Why Narcissists Use Triangulation

Narcissists thrive on control, admiration, and chaos. Triangulation allows them to:

1. Validate Themselves: By creating competition or tension, they often make themselves the subject of attention or the authority in the relationship.
2. Divide and Conquer: Keeping others in conflict prevents unity, making it harder for their behavior to be challenged.
3. Avoid Accountability: With a third party involved, they can deflect criticism or responsibility for their actions.
4. Maintain Superiority: By fostering insecurity or jealousy, they keep others striving for their approval.

Examples of Narcissistic Triangulation

Triangulation can manifest in many ways, depending on the relationships involved. Some common examples include:

In Romantic Relationships

A narcissist might compare their partner unfavorably to someone else, like an ex, a friend, or even a fictional standard. For example, they may say things like, "Why can’t you be more like [person]?" This breeds insecurity and prompts the partner to work harder for their approval.

Alternatively, the narcissist may flirt with or talk excessively about another person to create jealousy and reaffirm their control in the relationship.

In Families

In family settings, a narcissistic parent might compare siblings, favoring one over the other to create rivalry and competition. This prevents the siblings from uniting against the parent’s toxic behavior and ensures the narcissist remains the center of attention.

In Friendships or Workplaces

A narcissist might gossip or share selective information between two friends or colleagues, framing each as speaking ill of the other. This fosters distrust and positions the narcissist as the "peacemaker" or the only one who can resolve the conflict — a role that boosts their sense of importance.

Signs You’re Being Triangulated by a Narcissist

• Feeling Pitted Against Others: You may feel like you’re in constant competition with someone for the narcissist's approval or affection.
• Confusion or Insecurity: The narcissist’s behavior leaves you questioning your worth or your relationships with others.
• Manipulative Comparison: The narcissist frequently compares you to others in ways that feel diminishing or unfair.
• Divisive Behavior: You notice the narcissist actively driving wedges between you and others, such as by sharing half-truths or encouraging mistrust.

Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

I specialize in providing therapy for individuals who have experienced narcissistic triangulation and abuse. Through therapy you can learn to recognize triangulation and empower yourself to no longer tolerate it. Contact me today to get started with Narcissistic Abuse Therapy.