You know it’s wrong. Your friends and family tell you to stop. But no matter how hard you try, you feel compelled to make it work with your narcissistic ex.

The cycle of narcissistic abuse has a psychological pull that’s hard to resist. Below are 5 reasons why you may keep going back to your narcissistic ex.

The Illusion of the Narcissist

Narcissists are often masters of charm, especially in the early stages of a relationship. They know how to mirror desires, offer grand gestures, and make you feel seen. That initial version of the relationship—the one filled with passion, excitement, and intense connection—leaves a lasting imprint.

You’re not returning to the narcissist as they are now. You’re chasing the echo of who the narcissist pretended to be.

Trauma Bonding

One of the most powerful forces keeping someone stuck in a narcissistic relationship is trauma bonding. This psychological response develops when abuse is interspersed with moments of affection or remorse. Your brain becomes conditioned to associate pain with love and conflict with connection. Dopamine and cortisol operate in a cycle to make the highs feel euphoric and the lows feel like withdrawal.

Low Self-Worth Reinforced By the Narcissist

Repeated emotional manipulation chips away at your self-esteem. Over time, you begin to believe what the narcissist says: No one else would put up with you or love you.

When someone’s identity becomes intertwined with a constant need to seek approval from a narcissistic partner, they may return not because they feel strong—but because they feel powerless without that approval.

Hope That the Narcissist Will Change

You’ve seen glimpses of who your ex could be and cling to the hope that this time, things will be different. The narcissist feeds this hope, promising to change, offering apologies, and even seeking temporary therapy or self-help—just enough to get you hooked again.

Fear of the Unknown

Leaving a narcissist means stepping into uncertainty. It might mean being alone. Facing financial struggles. Navigating co-parenting. Starting over. Even if the relationship is painful, it’s familiar and familiarity, can feel safer than the unknown. You may also fear the narcissist retaliating against you should you stay away for too long.

Therapy for Narcissistic Abuse Recovery

If you or someone you know is caught in this pattern, there is hope for change and available support. Understanding and awareness are the first step to freedom. Contact me today to get started with narcissistic abuse therapy. Offered online in Tennessee, Georgia, and North Carolina.