With Valentine’s Day fast approaching, many people reflect on their relationship history and patterns. In a time where modern dating is becoming more and more complicated, it’s helpful to understand how your attachment style influences how you communicate and receive love. Developed in childhood and carried into our adult relationships, attachment styles shape the way we connect, express affection, and perceive love. 

Secure Attachment: Love with Confidence

Individuals with a secure attachment style feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. They communicate love through consistency, emotional availability, and trust. People with this style are open about their feelings, express appreciation regularly, and are willing to both give and receive support. Their love language is often a balanced mix of verbal affirmation, physical affection, and acts of service. Because they trust their partners, they don’t hesitate to communicate their needs and offer reassurance.

Anxious Attachment: Love as Reassurance

Those with an anxious attachment style crave closeness and fear rejection. They communicate love through constant expressions of affection, frequent check-ins, and deep emotional conversations. Their love can sometimes feel intense or overwhelming, as they seek reassurance that their partner reciprocates their feelings. They may use words of affirmation and physical touch to bridge any perceived emotional gaps. To truly thrive, they need partners who provide steady reassurance and open communication.

Avoidant Attachment: Love as Independence

People with an avoidant attachment style value self-sufficiency and may struggle with emotional vulnerability. They show love through actions rather than words, often prioritizing practical support and problem-solving over deep emotional discussions. While they may not verbalize affection frequently, they demonstrate care by being reliable, giving space, and respecting their partner’s autonomy. Understanding that their form of love may not include overt displays of emotion can help partners recognize and appreciate their subtle ways of showing care.

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment: Love as a Push-Pull Dynamic

This attachment style is a mix of both anxious and avoidant tendencies, leading to an unpredictable expression of love. Individuals may crave intimacy but simultaneously fear getting too close. They might shower their partners with affection one moment and withdraw the next. Their love language can be inconsistent, often swinging between deep emotional connection and sudden emotional distance. For relationships to succeed, self-awareness and open communication are key.

How Therapy Can Help You Understand Your Attachment Style

Therapy can help you understand your attachment style to help you recognize how you give and receive love. Through therapy, you can learn to effectively communicate your needs and understand your partner’s way of expressing affection. Whether you have a secure style or one that leans anxious or avoidant, self-awareness fosters healthier, more fulfilling connections.

I offer therapy for men and women who want to strengthen and develop healthy relationships. Contact me today to get started! Offered online for residents in Tennessee or Georgia.