Is it romance or love bombing? Is it a bad day or a temper problem?

Relationship red flags are difficult to spot because emotions can cloud judgment. If you tend to overthink things, you may have a hard time accepting red flags because you doubt your judgment. Maybe you ask yourself,  “am I reading too much into this?” or “am I not reading into this enough?”

Red flags are also hard to recognize if you come from a family with dysfunctional dynamics. It’s difficult to discern healthy from toxic behavior when healthy relationships haven’t been part of your life experience.

Examples of Red Flags in a Relationship

Below are some tips to help you recognize red flags in a relationship. Keep in mind that conflict is a necessary part of helping a relationship progress as long as it’s handled in a healthy and constructive way.

1. Notice if the person seems interested in getting to know you or if they seem more invested in winning you over. A person will show interest by asking you thoughtful questions to determine if the two of you are compatible. Watch for signs that the person is trying to rush the relationship without taking the time to truly learn about you.

2. Notice how your partner responds to conflict. Healthy communication is essential for the growth of a relationship. Pay attention to how your partner responds when you express a need or bring up an issue. In a healthy relationship, both individuals should strive to understand the other’s perspective and work through the conflict together. It can be a red flag if your partner becomes defensive, angry, or places all the blame on you during conflict.

3. Does your partner take accountability for their actions? We all have moments in a relationship where we may not behave as our best self. In a healthy relationship, both individuals reflect on their actions and accept responsibility if they have hurt their partner. If you find yourself always getting blamed in the relationship, then this could be an indicator of an unhealthy dynamic.

4. Notice how your partner speaks about their exes and other people in their lives. Do they speak negatively of others and express hostile opinions of those they have dated? Do they place all the blame on their ex for the relationship ending? How do they speak about friends and family? If the person only has negative things to say, then this could be a red flag.

5 Notice how you feel overall in the relationship. Do you feel comfortable and secure, or do you found yourself feeling anxious and afraid of what your partner will say or do next? In a healthy relationship you should feel safe, secure, and stable. 

What if I’m Already Invested in the Relationship?

Whether you’ve been with this person for a month, a year, or several years, it can be tough to end a relationship when you’ve invested your time and emotional energy into it. Many people will stay in relationships longer than appropriate because they don’t want to feel they’ve wasted their time. Unfortunately, this can lead to more wasted time and have a negative impact on your self-esteem. Remember the point of dating is to get to know someone, have experiences together, and ultimately see if the two of you are compatible. The end of a relationship does not mean the time spent with that person was wasted and there is always something to be learned from the experience.

What Should I Do if I Notice Red Flags?

If you recognize any of the above signs, then it’s important to listen to your gut. If something doesn’t feel right, take the time to reflect on whether this relationship is right for you. If you aren’t ready to end the relationship, focus on getting to know the person while maintaining your boundaries. There is no rush to make a serious commitment before you are ready.

Therapy for Relationship Help

Contact me today for further help processing your relationship dynamics. Counseling appointments are offered online for residents of Tennessee and Georgia.