What is a Narcissistic Family?

A narcissistic family describes a family where one or both parents exhibit narcissistic personality traits which significantly impact the family dynamics. In a narcissistic family, the parent(s) are absorbed with their own needs and are dismissive of the needs of their child(ren). Family members are often forced to adapt specific roles and functions to survive amongst this dysfunction.

Below are some roles that children tend to adapt to cope with a narcissistic parent(s). Roles can vary based on the traits of each individual and family.

Childhood Roles Developed in a Narcissistic Family

Scapegoat: The child who is frequently blamed by the narcissist for the problems of the family. The narcissistic parent uses the scapegoat to deflect blame and avoid accountability for their actions. Other family members may antagonize the scapegoat to win the narcissist’s favor or avoid the narcissist’s wrath.

Golden Child: The narcissistic parent views this child as an extension of themselves. The narcissist assigns favorable traits to this child to inflate their own ego and self-worth. This makes the golden child believe they are only worthy when they excel in activities approved by the narcissist. The narcissistic parent tends to pit the golden child and scapegoat against each other, causing an unfortunate rift in the sibling relationship.

See-er/Truth Teller: The one “who gets it.” Often there is a child or family member that recognizes toxic patterns in the family and is aware of unhealthy and inappropriate behaviors. This person questions the dynamics of the family and will occasionally give push back to the narcissist. Truth Tellers can end up feeling lonely and frustrated since many family members enable and support the narcissist out of fear. The narcissistic parent is threatened by the Truth Teller’s awareness and attempts to gaslight or ostracize the Truth Teller.

Adults can also adapt roles in a narcissistic family. Below are common roles exhibited by adults where there is at least one narcissist in the family. 

Narcissist: Parent/adult who exhibits narcissistic traits or has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This person places their needs above others and employs manipulative tactics to get those needs met.

Enabler: An individual who condones and encourages the behavior of the narcissist. Often the enabler has learned they can avoid the narcissist’s wrath by enabling narcissistic abuse and giving into manipulation.

Narcissist by proxy: A victim of narcissistic abuse who adapts the traits of the narcissistic abuser. This is due to a phenomenon in which victims begin to identify and sympathize with their abuser which creates a trauma bond and the illusion of control for the victim.

Impact of Growing Up in a Narcissistic Family

Growing up in a narcissistic family feels like you’re always waiting for the next explosion. Adults who experienced these dynamics as children are more prone to the following:

Depression and hopelessness –  Anxiety and fear – Low self-esteem – Difficulty with trust and intimate relationships – Co-dependency – Indecisiveness – People-pleasing behaviors – Perfectionism – Confusion – Criticism of others

How Therapy Can Help You Cope with a Narcissistic Family?

Set boundaries: Therapy can help you learn to set healthy boundaries within your family. This includes limiting phone calls, visits, and conversations. This can also include setting emotional boundaries within yourself.

Go no contact: Therapy can help you explore if going no contact with a family member is the healthiest option for you. This can be a difficult choice to make and counseling can help guide you through this decision.

Validate yourself: A narcissist dismisses the emotions of others. Therapy can teach you to recognize that your feelings are important and valid. 

Get Started with Therapy for Narcissistic Family Abuse

I offer therapy for people who have experienced narcissistic abuse in Tennessee and Georgia. Contact me today to make an appointment!

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